Am I Chasing Dreams or Chocolate Chip Cookies?

I talk a lot about chasing dreams and living your passion. This concept has been a driving force in my life since I left my 20 year marriage back in 2008. It got me motivated to start living the life I had always wanted to live–one full of adventures, exploring the world and meeting new people.

At the same time, I was looking for my purpose in life.  While living in Hawaii, I went to a yoga class that started with the questions:

  • Who am I?
  • Why am I here?
  • What is my purpose?

I felt these three questions opened up a new door for me. It was an invitation for the Universe to guide me on my path.

That was in 2012-2013 and to this day, I feel I am still trying to find the answer to these questions.  I think I have been looking for the answer to these questions all my life.

In the past, I had so desperately wanted someone to give me the answers to all these questions. Someone to help me figure all this shit out: My parents, my teachers, my husband, my friends, other peoples lives and in watching movies or reading stories.  I was seeking, seeking, seeking, looking for the thing to bring fulfillment to my life. Something that I could do to uplift the world because it uplifted me.

The dream chaser in me has many dreams and desires within my heart. I seem to keep trying to bring these dreams to life, get to a certain point, then, the dream dies.

I get overwhelmed with the details. The work and energy that needs to be put into it in order to keep it thriving and alive.

The feeling of being a failure at dream catching surrounds me. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I follow something through? What am I afraid of? Is this not what I am suppose to do? Maybe its something else…so I run down another path. And, this other path too only leads to a dead end.

I have been pondering the thought–

What if the dream is the carrot?  Or, in my case, a gluten free cookie? You know,  that thing that is dangling out in front of you, creating this crazed desire to chase it down like you would a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie after walking by a bakery.

The question I have been asking–

Are the dreams that speak to my heart, sneaky ways for the Universe to lead me on my destined path? But, fuckin-A Universe, all these directions, trying this, trying that, starting, stopping. I look like an idiot, I feel like a failure.  I am just so tired of it. I just want to give up on dreams.

But, I am a dream chaser.  There is always another storm of dreams twirling in the depths of my mind….and the smell of a chocolate chip cookie!